the beauty of summer has gone gray

“The foliage has been losing its freshness through the month of August, and here and there a yellow leaf shows itself like the first gray hair amidst the locks of a beauty who has seen one season too many. “

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

The first day of October; a quiet, somber day. It is not yet cold, but no longer warm. Though autumn has officially started weeks ago, on the 22nd of September, I vote that it has not made its presence yet. I wish that today, the temperature would drop ten degrees, so that I could bundle up in my jacket and scarf. I wish that the slightly yellow tree outside my window would change its colors already, and fall so that I could have the pleasure of jumping in them. Alas, I will have to wait a few weeks more until this season really hits. I blame the tropical storms on this one.

I slept the most glorious sleep I have had in ages. I woke up at eleven, and got dressed and ate lunch. Then I lamented the fact that I had homework to ruin this perfect day. Sigh. On the upside, I finished my AP English essay on The Poisonwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver. I also finished my AP Bio work, but I still don’t understand it, and I know I will end up cramming for the test next week so I don’t fail. But it will all be worth it next week, when Nava and I are going to see JASON MRAZ on Wednesday in Pennsylvania!

I have been trying to write everyday. I wanted to finish my failed 2007 NaNoWriMo novel by this years NaNoWriMo, but I highly, highly doubt that is going to happen. I only have 15,000 words. I’ve been trying to write little ideas and short stories and random crap in this little notebook I have during my free periods at school, since I cannot bring my laptop which contains the novel I should be working on. I have no time, between school, homework, dance class, newspaper, literary magazine, JUUstice LeagUUE and Wrock for Darfur. I need to edit this video I was working on for my YouTube channel but I have no time for that.

The days are way too short.

And I’m a junior? When did that happen? I’m going to visit Columbia in a few weeks, but part of my is screaming at me not to, because what if I love it? And then, what if I don’t get in?

Must think positively. Must remember to practice dances so I don’t get in trouble with Wendy. Must do SAT practice so I can get a 1700. Must do homework. Must plan my sweet sixteen. Must learn how to drive. Must try and keep up with AP Bio. Must try and understand math. Stupid math. Must find a way to make this all work! Must live through the next two years of High School.

If I could, if I didn’t have a future to worry about, if I didn’t have this good reputation to uphold, I would take that train in to Grand Central tonight, find a really cheap place to live, and LIVE.

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One response to “the beauty of summer has gone gray

  1. Dearest Brenna,
    I am so excited for you! I’m glad your going to your Jason Maraz concert (even though I dont really like his music too much, or at all).
    I love the fall too. I was disappointed at school today: there I was thinking ‘oh its October now that means sweaters and cool weather’ and there was the thermometer saying ’75F biotch!’
    I dislike math this year because our teacher does not teach, she shows us how to do a problem and expects us to learn by example which would be okay but for the fact that she doesn’t answer questions! So that’s fun. . .
    I know how uptight you are about college and I think that its good that you are so dedicated but I want you to remember to sit back and live for yourself some too. If you let yourself waste away into a bundle of perpetual unhappiness I don’t see how you would be able to enjoy your own victories. If you don’t stop and congratulate yourself every once in a while for what you have already accomplished you will wake up one morning one such a pit of unhappy despair that you may in fact implode, and no one is going to enjoy a college interview with imploded Brenna bits.
    What I’m really trying to say is relax a bit, you are more prepared than you think you are. SAT’s aren’t the end of the world many liberal arts colleges have stopped looking at SAT (and ACT) scores and many more are loosing their faith in their accuracy. You are an outstanding person and so as Doctor Phil I prescribe this to you:

    To be taken after accomplishing a goal (not necessarily all of them but as many as you feel appropriate) apply liberally to the soul for proper nourishment
    – a nice cup of tea or hot coco
    – a comforting book and a comfy chair
    – a walk outside and plenty of fresh air
    – ice cream
    – a good television show
    To be taken at least once a month to maintain the appropriate balance of sanity
    – Trips with friends to fun places (i.e. movies, mall, book signings, WRock concerts, etc.)
    WARNING: FLIER TO TAKE MEDICATION AS DIRECTED BY YOUR DOCTOR MAY RESULT IN DEPRESSION, ILLNESS, STRESS, AND OR A MOUNTAIN OF SUCK!

    less than three ~-^

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